Terminologies

A quiet afternoon, Garfield lounging on top of the refrigerator staring out the window; Vito asleep lying on his back, paws sticking up; and Zed having an afternoon kibble snack, until…

Vito: WOOF!! WOOF!! WOOF!! WOOF!! WOOF!!

Garfield: (*gets startled and falls off the top of the refrigerator*) Yeeeow! Oh for fucks sake Vito! What are you barking at now?

Vito: (*growls*) I thought I heard something…

Garfield: (*rolls eyes*) You’re so frickin’ paranoid, man. That was just Zed’s belly digesting the tons of kibble he just devoured.

Zed: (*stops licking paw and flipped Garfield his middle digit. Remember he has extra thumbs*) Ha……ha……ha……

Vito: WOOF!! WOOF!! WOOF!! WOOF!! WOOF!! I heard it again!!!

Garfield: (*sigh*) This dude needs to be de-barked.

Vito: Yeah? Well you need to be de-clawed. You’ve scratched the hell out of the door jambs.

Zed: Kinda like when he got de-nutted?

Vito: De-what-ed?

Zed: You know, when they chopped his nuts off, he get de-nutted. Hehehe…

Garfield: Wow, Zed, you finally have a sense of humor? Well, Zed needs to be de-matted. Dude! You gotta clean yourself more often!

Zed: Hey man, I try. There’s only that one spot on my back that I can’t reach.

Garfield: Because you also need to be de-fatted so you can reach behind that big ass of yours.

Zed: (*sucks tummy in, chest out, tail straight up*) I’m not fat, I’m just poofy.

Garfield: Then you need to be de-poofed too.

Vito: No, I need to be de-pooped and de-peed soon. Wonder what time Daddy will come home?

Garfield: Don’t you wish you had a litter box like we do? Very convenient.

Vito: I did, but they took it away because I started eating the pellets. (*giggles*)

Zed: (*tummy rumbles, starting to look a little green*) I don’t feel too well…(*runs to the litter box*)

Vito: WOOF!! WOOF!! WOOF!! So it really WAS your tummy I was hearing!

Garfield: HAHAHAHAH!!! He’s going to de-shit himself because of all that kibble he ate.

Zed: (*evil eye at Garfield*) And you’re going to be de-lifed when I am done here…