tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-51878266555712663732024-02-07T02:45:39.409-05:00Tales from the FurSideIf my furkids could talk, what would they be saying? The stories below came from my imagination, but the scenarios really happened...Pixie Maidenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11521008902392267190noreply@blogger.comBlogger22125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5187826655571266373.post-44067364659386615322011-12-28T13:55:00.003-05:002011-12-28T14:13:17.953-05:00What's for Dinner?Garfield: She's dumping it in the toilet...<br /><br />*Flush*<br /><br />Zed: I was not done with it!<br /><br />*Runs downstairs to the bathroom where Mommy is cleaning their food bowl*<br /><br />Zed: *Peers into the toilet* What the hell woman?!! I was not done with my food! I was saving it for a snack...like for right now!<br /><br />Zed: *Paces over the kibble bowl* Look here, LOOK HERE!!!! Do you see anything?<br /><br />Mommy: What's up Zedo?<br /><br />Zed: Correct! NOTHING!! THERE IS NOTHING IN THE KIBBLE BOWL EITHER!!<br /><br />Mommy: Drink some water.<br /><br />Zed: *Sputters with rage* WATER??!! Is that the best you can offer.<br /><br />Garfield silently pads over to the bathroom door, watching the whole encounter.<br /><br />Zed: *Jumps up on the bathtub rim, and scowls at mommy* I demand a steak and mashed potatoes for dinner. I think I deserve a good meal too! We didn't even get anything for Christmas!<br /><br />Garfield: Hey, tell her I would like some crescent rolls too.<br /><br />Zed: So what are you going to do??? Just stand there with your back to me and not say anything?<br /><br />*Mommy opens a couple cans of cat food and replenishes their clean food bowl*<br /><br />Zed: Cat food again? I am tired of .... mmmm... nom nom nom....<br /><br />*Mommy pets Zed*<br /><br />Zed: Purrr.....nom nom nom... Fine, I'll have the steak and potatoes tomorrow nite. And don't you forget it, woman...Pixie Maidenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11521008902392267190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5187826655571266373.post-4386710304103188052010-12-18T18:51:00.001-05:002010-12-18T18:53:04.940-05:00Christmas Stockings<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_66PyZ5dsmSI/TQ1JVczt_SI/AAAAAAAAAC4/ao2m6LSXueI/s1600/stockings2010.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 318px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5552174548476886306" border="0" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_66PyZ5dsmSI/TQ1JVczt_SI/AAAAAAAAAC4/ao2m6LSXueI/s320/stockings2010.jpg" /></a><br /><div>*Tall Dude is removing the paneling under the stoop to get to the Christmas decorations.*<br /><br />Garfield: What the hell??!! They’re tearing up the house! Huh? A secret closet?<br /><br />Vito: Yay! They’re bringing out the Christmas decorations again!<br /><br />Zed: *yawn* woo…hoo…<br /><br />Tall Dude: Get out of there Garfield!!!<br /><br />Garfield: But I wanna see what’s in here!<br /><br />Mommy: Hand that tote over to me, I think that’s where the stockings are.<br /><br />Vito: Huh? Why does Zed’s stocking look like a mitten?<br /><br />Zed: Because I am not a conformist.<br /><br />Garfield: Because you’re a freak and have an extra thumb! Hahaha! Awesome!<br /><br />*Mommy starts hanging the stockings on the ledge.*<br /><br />Garfield: *sniffs the stockings* errr…so what are these for?<br /><br />Vito: On Christmas eve, Santa Claus comes down the chimney and stuffs the stockings with toys and gifts!<br /><br />Zed: Santa Claus is not real…and we do not have a chimney…<br /><br />Garfield: Really?? Toys and gifts?<br /><br />Zed: No, YOU get coals in your stockings coz you have just been a pain in the butt all year round.<br /><br />Vito: I want Bling! For Christmas…or maybe some booties, it can get really cold outside.<br /><br />Zed: I want those automatic treat dispensers.<br /><br />Garfield: I can just see that dispenser going non-stop and Zed laying right beside it scarfing every single treat. HAHAHA!<br /><br />Vito: What do you want for Christmas, Garfield?<br /><br />*Garfield jumps up the ledge and knocks off all the stockings except his*<br /><br />Everyone: GARFIELD!!!!<br /><br />Garfield: I figured, if Santa comes and sees only one stocking, he’ll stuff everything in there, all for me mwahahaha!<br /><br />MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!! </div>Pixie Maidenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11521008902392267190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5187826655571266373.post-22874725667253232122010-06-27T16:55:00.000-04:002010-06-27T16:56:03.675-04:00TerminologiesA quiet afternoon, Garfield lounging on top of the refrigerator staring out the window; Vito asleep lying on his back, paws sticking up; and Zed having an afternoon kibble snack, until…<br /><br />Vito: WOOF!! WOOF!! WOOF!! WOOF!! WOOF!!<br /><br />Garfield: (*gets startled and falls off the top of the refrigerator*) Yeeeow! Oh for fucks sake Vito! What are you barking at now?<br /><br />Vito: (*growls*) I thought I heard something…<br /><br />Garfield: (*rolls eyes*) You’re so frickin’ paranoid, man. That was just Zed’s belly digesting the tons of kibble he just devoured.<br /><br />Zed: (*stops licking paw and flipped Garfield his middle digit. Remember he has extra thumbs*) Ha……ha……ha……<br /><br />Vito: WOOF!! WOOF!! WOOF!! WOOF!! WOOF!! I heard it again!!!<br /><br />Garfield: (*sigh*) This dude needs to be de-barked.<br /><br />Vito: Yeah? Well you need to be de-clawed. You’ve scratched the hell out of the door jambs. <br /><br />Zed: Kinda like when he got de-nutted?<br /><br />Vito: De-what-ed?<br /><br />Zed: You know, when they chopped his nuts off, he get de-nutted. Hehehe…<br /><br />Garfield: Wow, Zed, you finally have a sense of humor? Well, Zed needs to be de-matted. Dude! You gotta clean yourself more often!<br /><br />Zed: Hey man, I try. There’s only that one spot on my back that I can’t reach.<br /><br />Garfield: Because you also need to be de-fatted so you can reach behind that big ass of yours.<br /><br />Zed: (*sucks tummy in, chest out, tail straight up*) I’m not fat, I’m just poofy.<br /><br />Garfield: Then you need to be de-poofed too.<br /><br />Vito: No, I need to be de-pooped and de-peed soon. Wonder what time Daddy will come home?<br /><br />Garfield: Don’t you wish you had a litter box like we do? Very convenient.<br /><br />Vito: I did, but they took it away because I started eating the pellets. (*giggles*)<br /><br />Zed: (*tummy rumbles, starting to look a little green*) I don’t feel too well…(*runs to the litter box*)<br /><br />Vito: WOOF!! WOOF!! WOOF!! So it really WAS your tummy I was hearing!<br /><br />Garfield: HAHAHAHAH!!! He’s going to de-shit himself because of all that kibble he ate.<br /><br />Zed: (*evil eye at Garfield*) And you’re going to be de-lifed when I am done here…Pixie Maidenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11521008902392267190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5187826655571266373.post-2430827147467222332010-02-28T10:08:00.003-05:002010-02-28T12:09:34.162-05:00Global Warming DiscussionGarfield: *looking out the window* Damn! Why do we still have a lot of snow outside?<br /><br />Vito: Yeah I know. I think it’s because of global warming.<br /><br />Garfield: That’s kinda ironic when it’s still freaking cold outside.<br /><br />Vito: *thinks hard* …hmmmm…dunno..<br /><br />Garfield: Where’s Zed?<br /><br />Vito: In the bedroom. I betcha, fatty is sprawled out on Mommy and Daddy’s bed, belly sticking up.<br /><br />Zed: *lazily saunters in the kitchen* …WAS on the bed. And for your information, I am not fat.<br /><br />Garfield: What? Just poofy? Hahahha<br /><br />Zed: I was going to say, those are “love handles”.<br /><br />Garfield: Lovely MASSIVE handles there, I should say.<br /><br />Zed: *flips Garfield off*<br /><br />Vito: hahahaha!!!<br /><br />Zed: So what’s this I hear about some global warming shit?<br /><br />Vito: I told Garfield the reason it’s still cold is because of global warming.<br /><br />Garfield: Listen to yourself, that doesn’t make sense. Cold and warm do not go together.<br /><br />Vito: Sure does! Ever heard of Fried Ice Cream?<br /><br />Garfield: Fried what???<br /><br />Vito: Gotcha! <br /><br />Zed: Just cut the crap guys. Bottom line: nobody really knows for sure. <br /><br />Vito: You think the world is ending?<br /><br />Garfield: Like the movie “2010”?<br /><br />Vito: It's "2012" stupid...<br /><br />Zed: That’s some scary shit, that movie. <br /><br />Vito: *whining* Could happen. All these earthquakes…<br /><br />Garfield: …And blizzards…*swishes tail wildly*<br /><br />Zed: *walks over to the water bowl for a drink* You shouldn’t worry your little furry butts about that. Nothing you can do about it. If it happens, it happens. You know what I think, maybe some warm milk would be good instead of plain ol’ H-2-Oh….<br /><br />Garfield: Is food all you think about?<br /><br />Zed: Yeah, I’m a cat.<br /><br />*ACHOOOO! *THUNK!*<br /><br />Vito: What was that?!<br /><br />Garfield: OOOuuuwwww….I sneezed and hit my face on the window.<br /><br />Zed: HAHAHA! Yes you did. I can see your snot spray on the glass too…<br /><br />Vito: Eeeewww…gross…<br /><br />Garfield: Shut up! Damn, that hurts…*licks nose*Pixie Maidenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11521008902392267190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5187826655571266373.post-31357719025580781672010-01-06T20:16:00.003-05:002010-01-06T20:18:45.632-05:00Winter FashionZed: Are you shitting me? BWAHAHAHAH!!!<br /><br />Garfield: Holy crap!!! Why Vito?<br /><br />Vito: I know, right. IT’S HORRIBLE!!! Waaaaahhhhh!!!<br /><br />Zed: It was bound to happen. A couple with no kids; they turn their attention to their pets. *trying to catch breath from laughing*<br /><br />Vito: I AM their KID too, and so are you guys.<br /><br />Garfield: Yup, but you’re her favorite, which I am not really envious of right now, especially when it comes to playing dress-up. Hahahaha..*rolls over laughing so hard*<br /><br />Zed: Dude, the color blue makes your….err…fur stand out..?? BWAAHAHAHHAH!!!!<br /><br />Vito: But I would have preferred Pink ….*pouts as he lays down on his bed*<br /><br />Garfield: Ah shit! Head’s up Zed, look, mommy’s got the santa hat in her hand. I’m out of here…*scampers away to hide in Tall Dude’s closet*<br /><br />Zed: F*ck me, not the santa hat again! Garfield, hold up!!! *runs after Garfield*<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRT87gU0p5AF9uQl5vb0t-J_2UcWYgtFKt2_XyKRdc1Oe2YRJApLswXYM4A3A5YBlw5G0QYCs8O2O8RJg98_s6OJLC2TzdD2CJYzOFmi5Kqd9lFUzMe1t-9g_oOTlKlyWJJIaCpgqEDabp/s1600-h/100_1957.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRT87gU0p5AF9uQl5vb0t-J_2UcWYgtFKt2_XyKRdc1Oe2YRJApLswXYM4A3A5YBlw5G0QYCs8O2O8RJg98_s6OJLC2TzdD2CJYzOFmi5Kqd9lFUzMe1t-9g_oOTlKlyWJJIaCpgqEDabp/s400/100_1957.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5423800906576155010" /></a>Pixie Maidenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11521008902392267190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5187826655571266373.post-8775888493901454052009-12-19T12:27:00.002-05:002009-12-19T12:50:48.784-05:002009 Christmas Newsletter (uneditted version)Zed: *singing* Sleigh bells ring, are you listening…<br /><br />Vito: *sings along*…in the lane, snow is glistening…<br /><br />Garfield: Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock!<br /><br />Zed: what the f---? You had to be different, huh?<br /><br />Garfield: I was thinking a Christmas medley.<br /><br />Vito: *still singing*… A beautiful sight, we’re happy tonight, walking in a winter wonderland…<br /><br />Zed: Hey, so since we didn’t get to do stuff this year, I think we need to come up with a plan of activities for next year.<br /><br />Vito: Fun! Count me in!<br /><br />Garfield: I don't want to plan any vacation with you. I'll probably end up sitting in a spa getting my claws painted and buffed if you could get away with it.<br /><br />Vito: I know it's kinda hard for some people to be civilized. The urge to scratch on some wooden post is kinda...boorish...<br /><br />Garfield: Do you even know what boorish means?<br /><br />Vito: I do, do you?<br /><br />Zed: Cut it out you two! Come on, gimme some ideas...<br /><br />Garfield: Okay, write this down Zed, since you’re the one with the extra thumbs: Activity 1: Eat, Activity 2: Sleep, Activity 3: Use litter box, Activity 4: Annoy Tall Dude, Activity 5: Annoy Vito…wait, make Activity 5 number 1.<br /><br />Zed: Du’h! Not those kinds of activities! Something like what Tall Dude and Mommy did this year.<br /><br />Vito: It’s Daddy, not Tall Dude. Right, I remember them going to Tampa, Florida for Daddy’s graduation. He was a Cum Laude!<br /><br />Garfield: Oh, those kinds of activities... Man, I would love to lay on the beach and watch the waves and surf a little. The pictures Mommy took of Treasure Island were beautiful!!!<br /><br />Zed: Water and cats don’t mix. Remember that. Though I wouldn't mind watching the other kind of "waves" *dreamy grin on his face*<br /><br />Vito: What other kind of waves? <br /><br />Garfield: The kind that wears a two-piece bikini.<br /><br />Zed: Is that why they call it cat calls?<br /><br />Vito: *confused look* Whatver...I wish I could travel more…*sigh*<br /><br />Zed: Hey, quit whining. You get to go on road trips with them. Like when Tall Dude’s brother got married. Did you get to go to the wedding? I heard it was a beautiful wedding.<br /><br />Vito: Nah. They locked me up in the bedroom. Mommy was a bridesmaid and Daddy was the best man. I could have been a junior bridesmaid! *pouting*<br /><br />Zed: *rolls his eyes*<br /><br />Garfield: What about when you guys went to Mountainfest? Did you get to ride with Tall Dude on his motorcycle?<br /><br />Vito: Nah. They locked me up in the bedroom too. Though I was with them when they went to the Baker reunion. Tall Dude got to ride with his brother Tim, cousin Danny, and uncle Dan. Maybe, if he installs a side car, then I’d get to ride too.<br /><br />Garfield: That won’t happen. You’re more likely to be packed in a backpack, hahahaha!<br /><br />Vito: What else did they do this year? Oh yeah! Mommy’s cousins and aunt from Canada came to visit and she went with them to the National Air and Space Museum.<br /><br />Zed: That’s all good. But we still don’t have OUR plan of activities..??<br /><br />Garfield: I do! Like I said, Activity 1: Annoy Vito, Activity 2: Eat, Activity 3: Sleep, Activity 4: Use the litter box, Activity 5: Annoy Tall Dude...<br /><br />Vito: *starts singing* Santa Baby, just slip a sable under the tree, for me…<br /><br />Zed: *ugh* you guys are fucking hopeless…Pixie Maidenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11521008902392267190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5187826655571266373.post-84588029196327440562009-11-26T12:08:00.001-05:002009-11-26T12:08:44.415-05:00Wake Up CallGarfield: Now?<br /><br />Zed: Not yet, one more minute…<br /><br />Garfield: What about now?<br /><br />*Zed smacks Garfield upside the head *<br /><br />Garfield: Ouwww…<br /><br />Zed: steady….steady………..NOW!!! (*alarm clock turns 6:00 am*)<br /><br />*Zed jumps on the bed and crawls on Tall Dude’s chest*<br /><br />Zed: C’mon Tall Dude. This is your purr machine wake up call. Time to rise and shine and FEED ME!!! *puurrrrrrrr*<br /><br />Tall Dude: mmmmmfffffff….Get off me Zed….<br /><br />Garfield: Want to get them out of bed? Watch this…<br /><br />*Garfield starts clawing the bathroom door open*<br /><br />Mommy and Tall Dude: GARFIELD!!! NO!!!<br /><br />Garfield: *once inside* …and I do a little toilet paper shredding like this…..<br /><br />*Mommy jumps out of bed, grabs the spray bottle, sprays Garfield, scruffs him, and throws him out of the bedroom. SLAM!*<br /><br />Vito: Woof! Woof! Woof! Huh?! What just happened? *yaaaaaawn* Dammit Garfield!<br /><br />Garfield: *sounding muffled behind the door* See! That’s how you get them out of bed…<br /><br />Zed: …and get your ass sprayed and thrown out… <br /><br />Vito: *sleepily* …and get your morning shower all at the same time…wow, you’re such a dork Garfield…<br /><br />Garfield: hello? Can I come in now? Please??? *scratches at the door knob*<br /><br />Mommy and Tall Dude: GARFIELD!!! NO!!!<br /><br />Zed: Kid’s got a lot to learn… sigh*Pixie Maidenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11521008902392267190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5187826655571266373.post-77213697931005453792009-10-24T20:41:00.001-04:002009-10-24T20:44:10.782-04:00EmergencyVito: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!!! What the hell??!?!! AAHHH! I stepped on a bee and it stung me! MOMMY!!! <br /><br />*mommy picks vito up rushes inside the house* <br /><br />Vito: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!!! <br /><br />Garfield: Huh? What’s going on? <br /><br />Vito: My foot! It hurts! A fucking bee stung me!!! <br /><br />Zed: That’s no fun. Don’t worry, tall dude’s getting the tweezers now. <br /><br />*mommy holds Vito up as tall dude pulls out the stinger* <br /><br />Vito: WAAAAHHH!!! Sonofabitch!!!! <br /><br />Garfield: Hey tall dude, you got the stinger out? Let me see it! <br /><br />* tall dude backs up and steps on Garfield’s tail* <br /><br />Garfield: YEEOOWWWW!!! What the hell?!?!?! You just pulled off a clump of fur from my tail?!!! <br /><br />Zed: That’s for being nosy. Now get out of the way, Garfield, unless you want to be trampled on. <br /><br />Vito: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!!! <br /><br />Zed: How are you feeling now, Vito? <br /><br />Vito: Peachy, asshole! I just got stung by a bee and my foot is starting to swell, how do you think I feel? <br /><br />Garfield: Whoa, Ms. Bitchy is in the house. <br /><br />Zed: Sorry Vito, I’m just worried. Your leg’s twitching. <br /><br />Vito: Coz it hurts like a bitch. *whimpering* Fuck Me! It’s itching so badly now!!! WAAAAHHH!!! <br /><br />Garfield: Calm down, Vito. Hey Tall Dude, got Benadryl anywhere? <br /><br />Zed: Oh good! That’ll help with the swelling and itching. <br /><br />Garfield: Really? It helps with the swelling? I was thinking it could work as a sedative so Ms. Bitchy here doesn’t get too worked up. <br /><br />Zed: *gives Garfield a disapproving look* <br /><br />Garfield: What??! Hey, I just got a clump of fur traumatically yanked off my tail, and nobody is giving me attention! <br /><br />Zed: Yeah, well you have more than enough to spare. <br /><br />Garfield: *walks over to Vito* Hey dude, sorry, you okay? Tall dude’s getting you some good stuff. You’ll be sleeping like a princess in no time. You’ll be fine buddy. *gives Vito a nose kiss* <br /><br />Vito: *whimpering* <br /><br />Zed: He’s a trooper.Pixie Maidenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11521008902392267190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5187826655571266373.post-35715899043813420982009-09-09T18:49:00.005-04:002009-09-09T19:05:22.401-04:00Road Trip*Vito comes home from a West Virginia trip*<br /><br />Garfield: Hey <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Veets</span>! How is West-by-God-Virginia?<br /><br />Vito: Not a beach vacation, that’s for sure.<br /><br />Garfield: Someone’s in a shitty mood, why?<br /><br />Vito: I <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">didn</span>’t get to go to the reunion.<br /><br />Garfield: I <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">didn</span>’t know you were looking forward to going.<br /><br />Vito: Beats getting locked in the bedroom the whole day. Granted, tall dude’s old man let me out when he was there.<br /><br />Garfield: I’<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">ve</span> never met tall dude’s old man. How is he?<br /><br />Vito: The people call him the Dog-Father. I’m the original Dog-Father!<br /><br />Zed: *walks in the room* Sure, but now, you are the Fairy-Dog-Father.<br /><br />Vito: Admit it, you missed me Zed.<br /><br />Zed: Whatever you say, fairy-momma. I got the bed all to myself while you were away.<br /><br />Garfield: Yeah, we missed tormenting you.<br /><br />Vito: And I should be happy that you missed tormenting me? I guess any attention is better than no attention, but I may have to re-think on the tormenting part.<br /><br />Garfield: So what did you get to do in WV?<br /><br />Vito: Nothing really. Hung out with the cousins. We have some pretty large cousins in WV. This one humongous puppy kept on pestering me to play. I told her so many times that I did not want to play. She <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">wouldn</span>’t listen. I had to show her my bitchy side.<br /><br />Zed: Oh, like when you bitch at me or Garfield for getting on the people bed with you?<br /><br />Vito: My bed! Okay? No cat’s allowed on the bed.<br /><br />Garfield: Yeah, only for “pussy’s” like you! <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Bwahahaha</span>!!!<br /><br />Vito: *glares at Garfield*<br /><br />Garfield: By the way, why do you hate Flo? That chick in the <a href="http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&source=hp&q=flo+progressive&aq=9&oq=flo+&aqi=g10">Progressive commercials</a>? You bitch and bark every single time her commercial comes on.<br /><br />Vito: She has got to be the most annoying face and voice ever!!!<br /><br />Zed: Did someone say chicken? I like chicken! Where’s the chicken?<br /><br />Garfield: I said “chick”, not chicken… as in a girl…<br /><br />Vito: Speaking of chicken, I got scolded on the trip home for taking one of tall dude’s chicken nuggets. They are so mean! They won’t share!<br /><br />Garfield: I <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">wouldn</span>’t share with you either.<br /><br />Vito: So, I was sitting shotgun with mommy, and she put the snack box in the middle console. I thought she put it out there for sharing. So I stuck my nose in the box and took a chicken nugget.<br /><br />Zed: Yummy! Any more chicken left?<br /><br />Vito: Oh, I was on to that nugget before they could take it away...yummy. I asked for some fries, but they won’t give me any. Selfishness!!<br /><br />Garfield: Rude, I say. To YOU, not them.<br /><br />Vito: Whatever. Man, that trip wore me out. I think I'm going to get some sleep. *walks to the bedroom*<br /><br />Garfield: Hey Zed, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">Veets</span> is back. We should give him that double-pounce-and-smack-routine we've been practicing over the weekend. *does a flip and roll* Why does he get to go on trips?<br /><br />Zed: Remember, you're a wimp when it comes to car rides? That's a 4-hour long drive!!! You'd be a freaking <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">basket case</span> within the hour. But the more important question: are there any more chicken nuggets?<br /><br />Garfield: *rolls his eyes at zed* I think I'll mess with the Princess while he sleeps, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">bwahahah</span>...Pixie Maidenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11521008902392267190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5187826655571266373.post-22090695853011163992009-07-05T17:55:00.003-04:002009-07-05T18:40:48.162-04:00Movie EntertainmentVito: Yey! Movie time! *cuddles between mommy and tall dude on the couch*<br /><br />Zed: *stretches on couch* This looks like a good vantage point to watch the movie. What are we watching anyway?<br /><br />Garfield: Death Race…awesome! *settles under the coffee table*<br /><br />Vito: SSshhhh… it’s starting…<br /><br />Zed: Hey Vito, pass me the chips, will ya?<br /><br />Vito: Come and get it yourself.<br /><br />Zed: Fine! *walks over and sniffs chip basket* What? No guacamole?! I’ll pass.<br /><br />*Stage 1 of Death Race scene playing*:<br /><br />Garfield: Hell Yeah! Did you see what he did??!! That’s how you do it!! *dashes from under the couch and runs across the room, ass sliding as he turns around, and runs back towards the couch, jumps, uses Zed as springboard before soaring over the heads of mommy and tall dude and landing on the ledge*<br /><br />Garfield: BOO-YEAH!!<br /><br />Zed: Yeeeooowww!!! What the F*ck! *and tries to jump after Garfield but missed the ledge *<br /><br />Zed: *thud* Ouch! Mother-F*cker! Damn it Garfield, I think you broke my rib when you jumped on me!<br /><br />Garfield: Did you see that!! Man! He’s awesome! That’s like a bad-ass Nascar! *yells at the tv* WATCH OUT!!! BEHIND YOU, HE’S SHOOTING!!!<br /><br />Vito: STOP IT GARFUNGUS!! QUIET!!! *woof woof woof woof*<br /><br />*mommy gets annoyed and smacks Vito*<br /><br />Vito: But mommy, I was just trying to keep them from being idiots…*pouts*<br /><br />Garfield: Wicked! That dude is so dead and so out of the race…hehehe.<br /><br />Zed: Get down from that ledge and you can be that dead guy from the crash.<br /><br />Garfield: *Jumps off the ledge and races up the stairs* Catch me first! I’m Frankenstein!<br /><br />Zed: More like Franken-DEAD! *runs after Garfield*<br /><br />Garfield: Fat ass can’t keep up with me!<br /><br />Zed: Watch me kiddo…<br /><br />*Zed catches up with Garfield in the kitchen*<br /><br />*KEERRR-AASSSHHH* THUD*<br /><br />Garfield: Yeeeooowwlll!<br /><br />Zed: That’ll teach ya, kiddo.. hmph… *comes back and settles on his place on the couch* So, what happened while I was taking care of idiot business?<br /><br />Vito: Where’s Garfield?<br /><br />Garfield: Here…*glumly walks back under the coffee table, pawing at his ear*<br /><br />Vito: What happened to your ear?<br /><br />Garfield: Fatty there turned Mike Tyson on me. *gives Zed a hateful look*<br /><br />Zed: I figured you want to be like the lead in the film so I do you a favor. I thought he had his ears pierced. Ooppss, my bad?<br /><br />Vito: BWAAHAHAHHAHA! *mommy smacks Vito again* Why’d you hit me again? That was funny??!!<br /><br />*..and everyone settles to watch the movie again...until the next race scene…*Pixie Maidenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11521008902392267190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5187826655571266373.post-85700400506855375592009-05-24T11:55:00.003-04:002009-05-24T11:59:18.402-04:00Music LessonsGarfield: What have we here?<br /><br />Vito: Mommy calls it a guitar. Don’t touch it! It makes a loud noise that hurts my ears.<br /><br />Zed: A what?<br /><br />Garfield: Hmmm….I like the case it came in. Perfect sleeping place.<br /><br />Zed: Smells very woody. It has whiskers too. (*starts to touch the string*)<br /><br />TWAAAANNNGGGG!!!!! (*and all the animals scurry away*)<br /><br />Vito: Eeeeeekk! I mean Woof! Woof!<br /><br />Garfield: Cooooooool! Do that again Zed!<br /><br />Zed: Like this?<br /><br />TWAAAANNNGGGG!!!!!<br /><br />Garfield: Neat! Lemme do it too!<br /><br />Vito: Fine! Mommy’s not going to like it that you’re messing with her thing. I’m getting out of here.<br /><br />TWAAAANNNGGGG!!!!! TWIIIIIINNNGGG!!!<br /><br />Zed: Aaaaawsooooomnessss!!!<br /><br />Garfield: (*looks questioningly at Zed*) Since when did you start saying things like ‘awesomeness’?<br /><br />Zed: Shut up…<br /><br />Garfield: Ey Zed, step on the whiskers while I pick at the other end.<br /><br />TWIIIIIIINNNNGGG – TWOOOOOIIIINNNNGGG – TWAAAANNNGGGG<br /><br />Zed: (*a lop-sided smile appearing on his face*) I think I know how this works. I heard this song awhile ago…(*sch-ing* unsheathes his claws and starts plucking the intro of Stairway to Heaven*)<br /><br />Garfield: Oooohhh… Man, you...are...a...God…(*eyes round and wide, sitting still and watching Zed play*)Pixie Maidenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11521008902392267190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5187826655571266373.post-56664388633657764922009-04-10T23:22:00.003-04:002009-04-10T23:24:59.254-04:00Garfield is....Agent "G"(***theme song from Mission Impossible playing in the background.***)<br /><br />This is Agent G to homebase. I have arrived at the location where the package was last seen. There are no signs of anybody patrolling the vicinity. I am going in. Do you copy, homebase?<br /><br />Wait! I see a woman! But negative of any other human around. She has her back to me; I think I can get past her without me being seen. <br /><br />Package is in sight. I repeat, package is in sight The woman doesn’t seem to be aware of its presence. I have a straight shot to it. This is going to be a quick job.<br /><br />Dammit! The woman has activated some sort of cloaking device. I don’t see the package anymore!!! Don’t send for backup yet, homebase. I see a breach in the invisible field. I can squeeze through it and still complete the mission. Here goes...<br /><br />I’m in. I have secured the package and getting ready to blow this joint, homebase. I don’t see the woman; I think she has become invisible too. <br /><br />AAAHHH!!! Nooooo!!! Homebase! I can’t move! They’ve bound me and I’m being lifted! They have not yet discovered that I have the package with me. Nooooo!!! I will not fail this mission! I’m so close!<br /><br />I’m falling! Aaaahhhh……!!!<br /><br />(*thud*) Ouch…. I’m alive! And I still have the package! Homebase, package retrieved! Mission successful. I’m heading back there now.<br /><br />=====<br /><br />The other side of the story:<br /><br />Mommy was getting ready to change the bed sheets when Garfield decided to creep onto the bed and under the sheets. So she picked him up, cat and sheets in a bundle, and dumped him on the floor. She was surprised when she saw Garfield emerge with Vito’s binky (serious, Vito has one of those rubber pacifiers) and dash out of the room.Pixie Maidenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11521008902392267190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5187826655571266373.post-543935831616211562009-04-10T11:03:00.000-04:002009-04-10T11:04:18.790-04:00When Tall Dude CallsTall Dude: Come here Vito!!!<br /><br />Vito: I'm here daddy! What are we doing? Oh! Oh! Are we gonna play? Are you taking me out? Belly rubs! You're going to give me belly rubs, right?! I'm here daddy!<br /><br />===<br /><br />Tall Dude: Come here Zed!!!<br /><br />Zed: Alright! Food! I'm coming!!! Huh?! I thought you said food? Where's the food?! You suck man, why would you call me and not have any food? Hmm.. are you hiding it? Where is it? Come on, give it to me... please?!<br /><br />===<br /><br />Tall Dude: Come here Garfield!!!<br /><br />Garfield: FYI, I'm here not because you called me, but because I was on my way here anyway. Okay, nothing interesting, I'm outta here.<br /><br />===<br /><br />Tall Dude: Come here Mommy!!!<br /><br />Mommy: Yeah right...Pixie Maidenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11521008902392267190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5187826655571266373.post-15789050173538539492009-02-15T13:02:00.003-05:002009-02-15T13:49:30.552-05:00Tales from the Furside 9: The OutSide(If my furkids could talk, what would they be talking about?)<br /><br /><br />Vito: What's wrong Garfee? You look like you've seen God or something...<br /><br />Garfield: (*with awe in his face*)..I have been to the...OUTSIDE...<br /><br />Zed: (*rolls his eyes and starts cleaning himself*)<br /><br />Vito: How'd you manage that? You're supposed to be indoors only?<br /><br />Garfield: It was very dangerous, but I persisted.<br /><br />Vito: (*eyes wide*) Did you get hurt?<br /><br />Garfield: (*in a hushed tone*) It was...so...much...clearer! The sky was so bright and blue! The wind on my whiskers tickled, and I could smell so much more different scents! Scents that I have no idea what they are that I want to go and track it!<br /><br />Zed: That's poo you were smelling...<br /><br />Vito: But how did you manage to get out?<br /><br />Garfield: I had been planning this for a while now. And everything was just perfect that I had to proceed with my plan, AND I SUCCEEDED!!! HA-HA! (*jumps up on the table and puffs his tail triumphantly*)<br /><br />Vito: Wow!!!<br /><br />Zed: You are such a dork Garfield! I saw the woman pick you up and CARRY you outside! You should have seen yourself...I thought you were gonna piss right there and then...You were terrified dude! Your claws were digging into her shirt.<br /><br />Vito: (*Scowls at Garfield*)<br /><br />Zed: Yeah, he was latched and frozen onto her.<br /><br />Garfield: Whatever... I still experienced the outside. (*lays down smugly*)<br /><br />Zed: Talk about experiencing it, I was by myself, alone, starving, searching for shelter, fighting for my life in the Outside.<br /><br />Garfield: Looked like you would have been good for a whole year without food with that belly of yours... lots of fat stored in there... great survival tip.<br /><br />(*How a cat was able to flip the bird, I don't know, but Zed did it to Garfield. Must be his extra thumb*)<br /><br />Zed: The night they rescued me, I was so hungry and tracking this field mouse. It was disgusting, but I knew I had to eat. I had been perched on a tree, watching it come and go from its hole.<br /><br />Garfield: Hmph, must not have been a real tree, probably a stump or bush. You couldn't have carried your big butt up that high.<br /><br />Vito: Shut up Garfield, this is an interesting story!!!<br /><br />Zed: I quietly climbed down, and waited behind a bush, waiting for it to come back so I can make my kill.<br /><br />Vito: ooohhhh....<br /><br />Zed: And there it was, scurrying back, and I POUNCED! With extra thumbs, he had no chance of escape. And just as I was ready to take my bite, even though bile was rising up my throat, the night went really bright! I froze and then felt a noose around my neck. I fought and scratched and hissed back, but they were able to restrain me and they took me. Later I found out the bright lights were big flashlights; I thought I was being abducted by aliens.<br /><br />Vito: Wow!!!<br /><br />Garfield: eh...(*pretending not to be impressed*)<br /><br />Zed: Now that's not just experiencing, but living in the Outside. Dude, you poop in a box; the whole world was my bathroom, hehehe.<br /><br />Vito: The whole yard is my bathroom! I get to run and play outside everyday. And Garfee is all locked up in here, awww...<br /><br />Garfield: Whatever...<br /><br />Zed: Kid, I tell you, the freedom was wonderful, but I'd take comfort over that anytime. (*goes to Vito’s bed, lays back and stretches*)<br /><br />Vito: That's my bed! Get out! (*nudges zed off the bed*)<br /><br />Garfield: (*gets up on the cat perch and stares out the window, wistfully*) Whatever... I still experienced the outside...<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0QKTmKfLcxor23eWzU4kHQtlaUtLPeqgN2suaiwwJttRHXlWpcgQ2FGmmXPaBDjgz_B_Q5Lcog5RpAV2WLegeTeKNHUxUIbxeEKcsn6NK9iF-oBiFRoVCBudB2cazZ0M4gx_8PAxYRPay/s1600-h/010.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5303086613384991506" style="WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 300px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0QKTmKfLcxor23eWzU4kHQtlaUtLPeqgN2suaiwwJttRHXlWpcgQ2FGmmXPaBDjgz_B_Q5Lcog5RpAV2WLegeTeKNHUxUIbxeEKcsn6NK9iF-oBiFRoVCBudB2cazZ0M4gx_8PAxYRPay/s400/010.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br />***http://furside.blogspot.com/***Pixie Maidenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11521008902392267190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5187826655571266373.post-42326899978777064792009-01-10T14:37:00.001-05:002009-01-10T14:38:53.787-05:00Tales from the Furside 8: Treat TimeVito: I’m hungry.<br /><br />Garfield: You’re always hungry.<br /><br />Vito: Where’s daddy? Good! He’s not here. Where’s mommy? A-ha!<br /><br />Zed: (*rolls eyes*) I know what you’re up to.<br /><br />Vito: But I’ve got the munchies! Daddy doesn't fall for this shit.<br /><br />Garfield: You’ve got a whole bowl of kibble!<br /><br />Vito: (*stands by the door and barks*) MOMMY!!! I gotta pee!!!<br /><br />Zed: Don’t believe him, woman. He’s faking it.<br /><br />(*Mommy gets the leash and takes Vito out*)<br /><br />Garfield: He is such a liar! (*Jumps up on the kitchen counter and looks out the window*) I see him. He’s sniffing around…slowly walking to his pee spots…yup! Raises his leg…DUDE!!! YOU CAN’T CALL THAT PEEING IF IT’S ONLY THREE DROPS! (*yells at the window*)<br /><br />Zed: You count the drops? WTF?<br /><br />Garfield: Shut up. I call it observant.<br /><br />Zed: I don’t know why she always falls for that.<br /><br />Garfield: Probably because she’s afraid Vito will pee in the house. That whiny furbag peed on our scratch post the other day!<br /><br />Zed: Yeah and I smacked his ass for it.<br /><br />Garfield: Okay, they’re coming back in.<br /><br />Vito: (*ecstatic*) Do I get a treat? Do I get a treat, mommy? Do I?<br /><br />(*Mommy goes back to playing on her laptop*)<br /><br />Vito: Mommy!!! I peed! I told you! You always give me a treat! (*makes choking barking sounds*)<br /><br />Zed: He’s tricking you, woman. Don’t listen to him. <br /><br />*Mommy gets up and opens the treat cabinet*<br /><br />Vito: HA! I get a treat! Woohoo!<br /><br />Zed: While you’re at it, ‘mommy’, I’d like some treats too. You’re the bestest mommy ever. (*purrs and rubs against mommy’s leg*)<br /><br />Garfield: Such a kiss-ass! ugh! (*shakes tail at Zed*)Pixie Maidenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11521008902392267190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5187826655571266373.post-29496620329614639462008-12-28T13:31:00.004-05:002008-12-29T14:05:32.811-05:00My Bed<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizFuFCBIGaJXCKXEo_xzWG3XYMCU2mgjbfD-SOO4fB7moGYkRDR9NkfNedt_y4U7NO3onD-mw8EcO48pz7JgyUj35dmVI-bcnRtC-g0G3mn2ptPwURZdfpks_MdqtOHKyaeIMtiU0Bw5NY/s1600-h/100_1358.JPG"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizFuFCBIGaJXCKXEo_xzWG3XYMCU2mgjbfD-SOO4fB7moGYkRDR9NkfNedt_y4U7NO3onD-mw8EcO48pz7JgyUj35dmVI-bcnRtC-g0G3mn2ptPwURZdfpks_MdqtOHKyaeIMtiU0Bw5NY/s400/100_1358.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5285290176955922946" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br />Vito: Uhm.. Zed… can you get out of my bed please?<br /><br />Zed: No.<br /><br />Vito: But, I’m really tired…<br /><br />Zed: No. You can sleep on the floor mat.<br /><br />Vito: But the mat stinks like feet.<br /><br />Zed: Too bad. (*stretches and lays on his back*)<br /><br />Vito: You have other places to sleep, the chair, the cat tree, the couch. (*whining now*)<br /><br />Zed: I feel like resting here.<br /><br />Vito: But I’m asking nicely.<br /><br />Zed: Yes, you asked very nicely. Good doggie.<br /><br />Vito: (*looks to Garfield*) Garfield, can you ask Zed to go find another place to rest in.<br /><br />Garfield: Oh now you need my help, when you keep on running me out of the bedroom.<br /><br />Vito: Please guys, that’s my bed! You can get up on pretty much anywhere!<br /><br />Zed: Yes, but this is my bed TODAY.<br /><br />Vito: I’m telling mommy.<br /><br />Zed: (*sch-ing* unsheathes his claws*) You won’t dare.<br /><br />Vito: Watch! MOM!!! ZED WON’T GET OUT OF MY BED!!!<br /><br />Garfield: Oh, you’re dead, Vito.<br /><br />Zed: *ggrrrrr*<br /><br />(Mommy picks Zed off the bed)<br /><br />Zed: PUT ME DOWN WOMAN!!!! (*gets dropped on the floor mat*)<br /><br />Vito: Whoopee!!! My bed, my bed… hehehehe<br /><br />Zed: You’re safe now since your mommy is in the house. Wait until she goes back to work. (*gives Vito a scorching look*)<br /><br />Vito: PPffttt…when she’s at work, she gates off the kitchen where I stay. And you can’t scale the gate coz you’re too fat!!! Ppfffttt….<br /><br />Garfield: He’s got a point Zed.<br /><br />Zed: Oh f*ck off! (*stomps outs of the living room and down to the basement*)<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhht0Zw1qLx3qgZHozTtKIUEyUN2UeNVizpehDYzWLCnlo0v52A2skkiV5j17Uu0gRS1gpMOGz2ArICFjWuqe5hXQ5SMm6J1CaPufpqjzBVki_HXgBUezmTAuXqJmq7HAoMfAWsqxMzj1Sv/s1600-h/100_1358.JPG"><br /></a>Pixie Maidenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11521008902392267190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5187826655571266373.post-18896069262403807052008-12-04T21:32:00.002-05:002008-12-04T21:36:17.251-05:00Tales from the Fur Side 6: Puppy ProzacCast of Characters<br />Vito - 3 year old male pomeranian<br />Garfield - 1 year old orange tabby<br />Zed - 3 year old (we guess) black and gray tabby<br /><br /><br />Vito: duuuuuuuude....i loooooooove youuuuu...<br /><br />Garfield: hey zed, you know vito is telling his bed he loves it, right??? wtf?<br /><br />Zed: i heard they gave him puppy prozac.<br /><br />Garfield: No way!!!<br /><br />Vito: Heeeeyyy Gaaaaaaarfield! come here you fuzzy wuzzy youuuuuuuu...<br /><br />Garfield: okay princess, just stay on your bed! good bo*.. uhm, pomeranian.<br /><br />Zed: Our persons' vet thinks he's suffering from anxiety, and the prozac is supposed to calm him down.<br /><br />Garfield: Sure! and make a weird dog even more weird. are you sure he won't go psycho on us while our persons are away? (*watches while Vito licks the air*)<br /><br />Vito: ZEEEEEEDDD!!!! ooohhh myyyyy gosssshhhhh.... aren't the lights are reaaaalllllyyyy preeeetttyyyyyy???<br /><br />Zed: nah, he'll be fine. he'll be sleeping more. (*streches*)<br /><br />Garfield: This is way cool! hey Zed, psstt.. so, where are the pills? (*evil look in his eyes*)Pixie Maidenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11521008902392267190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5187826655571266373.post-78124230355323382092008-07-02T22:31:00.004-04:002008-07-02T22:32:05.404-04:00Morning Field Trip<p>Vito: We're back!!! </p> <p>Zed: Ey! What's up with leaving me all alone in the house?</p> <p>Garfield: Believe me, you didn't miss much. I should say, you're lucky you didn't go. Man I hate going for rides. Fairy dog here on the other hand was giggling the whole time.</p> <p>Zed: Vito, you smell like a french whore. Where'd you guys go?</p> <p>Garfield: I think it was called "Hell".</p> <p>Vito: I was at the spa! It's the conditioner. Feel my fur, it's so soft!</p> <p>Garfield: Yeah, we had to pick him up from the groomers on our way to "Hell". I kept yelling at the two humans that I was getting really car-sick, but they didn't pay attention to me. Tall Dude even had the nerve to shush me and tell me I was okay. Let's see if he can still say OKAY after I put them both in the trunk in a cramped crate and drive the back roads with twists and turns. (*grumbles something inaudible*)</p> <p>Zed: You can't drive.</p> <p>Garfield: Screw you!</p> <p>Vito: Ugh! There was this bitch at the clinic and she kept trying to kiss me. Eeeww, I didn't want to get her drool on me especially after getting a spa treatment.</p> <p>Garfield: Dude, she was practically throwing herself at you and you dissed her! </p> <p>Vito: She's not my type!</p> <p>Zed: (*snickers*) I think we have a good idea what "type" you like, hehehe.</p> <p>Garfield: Man, I need to go rest for a little bit.</p> <p>Zed: Why? What'd they do to you at the clinic?</p> <p>Garfield: Again, it's called Hell, okay? Let's just say, being around other big species of the barking type, getting a thermometer shoved up your ass, jabbing a needle on both sides of your stomach, getting fondled by another human and calling it a "check-up", was not my idea of a field trip.</p> <p>Zed: Ooohh, yeah, those visits are not fun.</p> <p>Garfield: Shit, I feel like Hell now. Oh, by the way, they were talking about putting us on some new diet food. They said you're a fat-ass.</p> <p>Zed: What?!! I am not fat! It’s all muscles!!!</p> <p>Vito: Zed, when you start having trouble getting through the banisters, you are fat.</p> <p>Zed: F*ck. I gotta start hoarding kibble then....</p>Pixie Maidenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11521008902392267190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5187826655571266373.post-69771589238427989992008-07-02T22:31:00.003-04:002008-07-02T22:31:42.350-04:00Greetings<p>Vito: Woof! Woof! Mommy and Daddy's home! </p> <p>Garfield: *Looks out the window* Yep, they're here.</p> <p>Vito: She's here! I gotta pee, I gotta pee!!!</p> <p>Zed: Sweet! </p> <p>(Pia and Tony come home from work and walk through door)</p> <p>Zed: *Looks at Tony* Hey man, gotta show you something... Come on, follow me.</p> <p>Vito: MOMMY!!! I gotta pee so BAD!!!</p> <p>Garfield: 'Sup dudes?</p> <p>Zed: Seriously man, I need your attention, come look at this.</p> <p>Vito: MOMMY!!! I MISSED YOU!!! I GOTTA PEE SO BAD!!!</p> <p>Garfield: What you got in your purse, mom? Got anything for me? Oh look, something shiny! </p> <p>Zed: C'mon man! This is serious! My food bowl's empty! Look! LOOK!!!</p> <p>Vito: DADDY!!! I NEED TO GO PEE! PLEASE TAKE ME OUT!!! </p> <p>Zed: How do you want me to say this? Okay tall dude: Bowl, empty. Me, Hungry. It's that simple! What do you not get??? FEED ME!!!</p> <p>Vito: uh-oh.. mommy, I piddled.. sorry, I couldn't hold it...</p> <p>Garfield: Got it! Ey Zed, I got her keys, where should I hide it?</p> <p>Zed: Up your ass, I don't care... WILL SOMEBODY FEED ME?! PLEASE?! What's a cat got to do to get fed around here? Dammit!</p> <p><br /></p>Pixie Maidenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11521008902392267190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5187826655571266373.post-46460314181696899332008-07-02T22:31:00.001-04:002008-07-02T22:31:18.664-04:00Kitty Next Door<p>(*Loud crash in the family room*)</p> <p>Zed: Huh?</p> <p>Vito: Yikes!</p> <p>Garfield: Oh shit man!</p> <p>Zed: Great Garfield, that lampshade was supposed to be one a kind…</p> <p>Garfield: Oh shit! Oh shit! What do I do?!!</p> <p>Zed: What can you do? Glue it together? There’s like a million pieces of it!</p> <p>Vito: What’s going on down there? </p> <p>Garfield: Man that sucks! They wouldn’t know it was me, right?</p> <p>Zed: Don’t count on it; you’re the only one who climbs up on that ledge. What were you doing up there anyway? You’re always looking out the window...</p> <p>Garfield: See, there’s this really hot puss… err… she-cat, I mean…I sometimes see her walk past this window. (*pointing to the window beside where the broken lamp used to be*)</p> <p>Zed: Ahhh... You know you would never get to meet her…</p> <p>Garfield: She looked my way once. She knows I’m here. Sometimes, she would rest out there where I can see her sunbathing, then she would clean herself. Oh my god, she’s really hot. Her fur looks so clean and soft… (*sigh*)</p> <p>Vito: What are you guys talking about down there?</p> <p>Garfield: So, I’m waiting for the next time she walks by and I’m gonna stretch out for her, let her see how big I am and how long and fluffy my tail is. Maybe she’ll come closer to the window.</p> <p>Zed: Yeah? And what are you gonna do? She can’t hear you behind the window. Do you know sign language for cats? Hahahah!</p> <p>Vito: Who are you guys talking about down there?</p> <p>Zed: (*Yells to Vito*) Garfield has a girlfriend who doesn’t know she’s his girlfriend! Now go back to sleep!!!</p> <p>Garfield: (*Jumps back on the ledge*) Oh! Oh! I see her! She’s coming closer! Yeah hot momma, come my way…See this orange furball of love? See my big, fluf…..(*misses the ledge while stretching and falls off*).. Yyeeeeooooowwwwpppsss!! (*thud*)</p> <p>Zed: BWHAHAHAHAHA!!! HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE!!! Way to go Mr. Big Furball Missed The Ledge And Landed On His Ass… hahahahah!!!</p> <p>Garfield: Shut up!!!</p> <p>Zed: (*wheezing*) Okay, hehehe.. So, have you figured out what you’re gonna do with the broken lampshade?</p> <p>Garfield: Oh shit.. find me some glue, stinky butt….</p>Pixie Maidenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11521008902392267190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5187826655571266373.post-29342592911436978832008-07-02T22:28:00.000-04:002008-07-02T22:29:49.321-04:00Midnight MunchiesZed: *snore* ZZZZzzzzzzzz…. <p>Garfield: hey, psst… zedo!</p> <p>Zed: *sngork* ZZZzzzzzz…</p> <p>Garfield: Zed! ZED!</p> <p>Zed: *nyum-nyum-nyum* ZZZZzzzz…</p> <p>Garfield: ZED!!!! *pounces on Zed’s tail*</p> <p>Zed: Yeeeooowwwllll!! What the f*ck!!!</p> <p>Garfield: I’m hungry.</p> <p>Zed: What??? You want to eat my tail???!!</p> <p>Garfield: Dumbass...</p> <p>Zed: Oh… Let’s wake them up then. I can always have a midnight snack.</p> <p>Garfield: The door’s closed. I tried to reach the doorknob, but I can’t turn it. I tried scaling the doorjamb, but I keep on sliding. </p> <p>Zed: Have you tried yelling for them?</p> <p>Garfield: Yeah, still no answer. And why in the hell is Vito sleeping in there with them? Is he some kind of favorite?</p> <p>Zed: He sleeps in a crate - a tiny space. Be grateful you have the rest of the house.</p> <p>Garfield: Oh. So, I’m still hungry. C’mon, I know where she keeps the canned stuff.</p> <p>Zed: Right there in the drawer.</p> <p>Garfield: Follow me.</p> <p>Zed: *stretch* Nyum-nyum-nyum..</p> <p>Garfield: *Grabs the edge of the drawer with his nails and pulls* BAM!!!</p> <p>Zed: Ssshhhh!!!</p> <p>Garfield: Sorry, it slipped. *grabs harder on the edge of the drawer and pulls*</p> <p>Zed: Sweeeet… </p> <p>Garfield: Here catch! *hooks a claw under the tab of the cat food and throws it at Zed*</p> <p>Zed: But it’s not open yet.</p> <p>Garfield: Of course dumbass!! You have the six toes, now make use of them!</p> <p>Zed: arrgghhh!!! It’s gonna rip my nail off…</p> <p>Garfield: So now, are you like Vito, a sissy? Oh my nails! Oh my nails!</p> <p>Zed: AAarrgghhh!!! *huff* It won’t budge.</p> <p>Garfield: Give me that! *slaps the can around* Open! You good for nothing piece of shit! Give me my food!!! Waaaaaahhh!!!</p> <p>Zed: Hehehehe… now who’s a sissy, cry-baby?</p> <p>Garfield: You know I can beat your big fat furry stinky ass, come here!!!</p> <p>Zed: Yeeeoowwwlll!!!!</p> <p>(And that’s how I found a can of cat food on the floor the next morning, with the cabinet drawers open.)</p>Pixie Maidenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11521008902392267190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5187826655571266373.post-87229955673626211752008-07-02T22:24:00.000-04:002008-07-02T22:30:43.753-04:00Suprise!!!Setting:<br /><p>Garfield comes home from the vet after getting neutered.</p> <p>=====</p> <p>Garfield: (*blink * blink* yawn*) Huh.. what happened?</p> <p>Zed: Are you okay kiddo?</p> <p>Garfield: Yeah, i feel groggy, dude...</p> <p>Zed: Wait till you try to take a piss.</p> <p>Garfield: Dude, my balls hurt like hell... AAHHH!!! WTF!!! WHERE ARE THEY!!!! M*ther F*cker, WHO DID THIS TO ME!!!!</p> <p>Zed: (*walks over to the kibble bowl*) You'll be fine kiddo, just take it easy for a few days. </p> <p>Vito: (*bounding down the stairs*) Yey! Garfield's back! I missed you buddy! (*gives garfield kisses*) What's wrong? Why do you smell funny? You're walking funny too... (*gasp*) They chopped your nuts off!!! </p> <p>Garfield: Get away from me!</p> <p>Vito: Sorry, honey, I didn't know. I give you more kisses and you'll feel better.</p> <p>Garfield: I said, GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!!!</p> <p>Zed: Hey, calm down. Mine were removed not too long ago, and I'm fine now. Give it a couple of days, just sleep and rest. Don't worry, it won't make you less of a tom.</p> <p>Garfield: Oh yes it will!! OMG! it hurts so bad...(*shaking*)</p> <p>Vito: Oh, I remember when they did it to me, I was so out of it, I almost fell over while peeing, but mommy and daddy took care of me.</p> <p>Garfield: That tall dude! He was the one who tricked me into getting in that damn crate!!! He said we were only going for a ride.</p> <p>Vito: I like rides!!! He's a nice daddy. He'll give you treats and belly rubs, mmm.. i like belly rubs... you know what else I like...</p> <p>Zed: Shut up, Vito!</p> <p>Vito: fine, fine, i'll shut up now...</p> <p>Garfield: (*licks himself*) This hurts both my groin and my ego. That tall dude probably doesn't understand how it is to lose one's nuts. </p> <p>Vito: He does, because I think mommy has them.</p> <p><br /></p>Pixie Maidenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11521008902392267190noreply@blogger.com0