Music Lessons

Garfield: What have we here?

Vito: Mommy calls it a guitar. Don’t touch it! It makes a loud noise that hurts my ears.

Zed: A what?

Garfield: Hmmm….I like the case it came in. Perfect sleeping place.

Zed: Smells very woody. It has whiskers too. (*starts to touch the string*)

TWAAAANNNGGGG!!!!! (*and all the animals scurry away*)

Vito: Eeeeeekk! I mean Woof! Woof!

Garfield: Cooooooool! Do that again Zed!

Zed: Like this?

TWAAAANNNGGGG!!!!!

Garfield: Neat! Lemme do it too!

Vito: Fine! Mommy’s not going to like it that you’re messing with her thing. I’m getting out of here.

TWAAAANNNGGGG!!!!! TWIIIIIINNNGGG!!!

Zed: Aaaaawsooooomnessss!!!

Garfield: (*looks questioningly at Zed*) Since when did you start saying things like ‘awesomeness’?

Zed: Shut up…

Garfield: Ey Zed, step on the whiskers while I pick at the other end.

TWIIIIIIINNNNGGG – TWOOOOOIIIINNNNGGG – TWAAAANNNGGGG

Zed: (*a lop-sided smile appearing on his face*) I think I know how this works. I heard this song awhile ago…(*sch-ing* unsheathes his claws and starts plucking the intro of Stairway to Heaven*)

Garfield: Oooohhh… Man, you...are...a...God…(*eyes round and wide, sitting still and watching Zed play*)

Garfield is....Agent "G"

(***theme song from Mission Impossible playing in the background.***)

This is Agent G to homebase. I have arrived at the location where the package was last seen. There are no signs of anybody patrolling the vicinity. I am going in. Do you copy, homebase?

Wait! I see a woman! But negative of any other human around. She has her back to me; I think I can get past her without me being seen.

Package is in sight. I repeat, package is in sight The woman doesn’t seem to be aware of its presence. I have a straight shot to it. This is going to be a quick job.

Dammit! The woman has activated some sort of cloaking device. I don’t see the package anymore!!! Don’t send for backup yet, homebase. I see a breach in the invisible field. I can squeeze through it and still complete the mission. Here goes...

I’m in. I have secured the package and getting ready to blow this joint, homebase. I don’t see the woman; I think she has become invisible too.

AAAHHH!!! Nooooo!!! Homebase! I can’t move! They’ve bound me and I’m being lifted! They have not yet discovered that I have the package with me. Nooooo!!! I will not fail this mission! I’m so close!

I’m falling! Aaaahhhh……!!!

(*thud*) Ouch…. I’m alive! And I still have the package! Homebase, package retrieved! Mission successful. I’m heading back there now.

=====

The other side of the story:

Mommy was getting ready to change the bed sheets when Garfield decided to creep onto the bed and under the sheets. So she picked him up, cat and sheets in a bundle, and dumped him on the floor. She was surprised when she saw Garfield emerge with Vito’s binky (serious, Vito has one of those rubber pacifiers) and dash out of the room.

When Tall Dude Calls

Tall Dude: Come here Vito!!!

Vito: I'm here daddy! What are we doing? Oh! Oh! Are we gonna play? Are you taking me out? Belly rubs! You're going to give me belly rubs, right?! I'm here daddy!

===

Tall Dude: Come here Zed!!!

Zed: Alright! Food! I'm coming!!! Huh?! I thought you said food? Where's the food?! You suck man, why would you call me and not have any food? Hmm.. are you hiding it? Where is it? Come on, give it to me... please?!

===

Tall Dude: Come here Garfield!!!

Garfield: FYI, I'm here not because you called me, but because I was on my way here anyway. Okay, nothing interesting, I'm outta here.

===

Tall Dude: Come here Mommy!!!

Mommy: Yeah right...

Tales from the Furside 9: The OutSide

(If my furkids could talk, what would they be talking about?)


Vito: What's wrong Garfee? You look like you've seen God or something...

Garfield: (*with awe in his face*)..I have been to the...OUTSIDE...

Zed: (*rolls his eyes and starts cleaning himself*)

Vito: How'd you manage that? You're supposed to be indoors only?

Garfield: It was very dangerous, but I persisted.

Vito: (*eyes wide*) Did you get hurt?

Garfield: (*in a hushed tone*) It was...so...much...clearer! The sky was so bright and blue! The wind on my whiskers tickled, and I could smell so much more different scents! Scents that I have no idea what they are that I want to go and track it!

Zed: That's poo you were smelling...

Vito: But how did you manage to get out?

Garfield: I had been planning this for a while now. And everything was just perfect that I had to proceed with my plan, AND I SUCCEEDED!!! HA-HA! (*jumps up on the table and puffs his tail triumphantly*)

Vito: Wow!!!

Zed: You are such a dork Garfield! I saw the woman pick you up and CARRY you outside! You should have seen yourself...I thought you were gonna piss right there and then...You were terrified dude! Your claws were digging into her shirt.

Vito: (*Scowls at Garfield*)

Zed: Yeah, he was latched and frozen onto her.

Garfield: Whatever... I still experienced the outside. (*lays down smugly*)

Zed: Talk about experiencing it, I was by myself, alone, starving, searching for shelter, fighting for my life in the Outside.

Garfield: Looked like you would have been good for a whole year without food with that belly of yours... lots of fat stored in there... great survival tip.

(*How a cat was able to flip the bird, I don't know, but Zed did it to Garfield. Must be his extra thumb*)

Zed: The night they rescued me, I was so hungry and tracking this field mouse. It was disgusting, but I knew I had to eat. I had been perched on a tree, watching it come and go from its hole.

Garfield: Hmph, must not have been a real tree, probably a stump or bush. You couldn't have carried your big butt up that high.

Vito: Shut up Garfield, this is an interesting story!!!

Zed: I quietly climbed down, and waited behind a bush, waiting for it to come back so I can make my kill.

Vito: ooohhhh....

Zed: And there it was, scurrying back, and I POUNCED! With extra thumbs, he had no chance of escape. And just as I was ready to take my bite, even though bile was rising up my throat, the night went really bright! I froze and then felt a noose around my neck. I fought and scratched and hissed back, but they were able to restrain me and they took me. Later I found out the bright lights were big flashlights; I thought I was being abducted by aliens.

Vito: Wow!!!

Garfield: eh...(*pretending not to be impressed*)

Zed: Now that's not just experiencing, but living in the Outside. Dude, you poop in a box; the whole world was my bathroom, hehehe.

Vito: The whole yard is my bathroom! I get to run and play outside everyday. And Garfee is all locked up in here, awww...

Garfield: Whatever...

Zed: Kid, I tell you, the freedom was wonderful, but I'd take comfort over that anytime. (*goes to Vito’s bed, lays back and stretches*)

Vito: That's my bed! Get out! (*nudges zed off the bed*)

Garfield: (*gets up on the cat perch and stares out the window, wistfully*) Whatever... I still experienced the outside...


***http://furside.blogspot.com/***

Tales from the Furside 8: Treat Time

Vito: I’m hungry.

Garfield: You’re always hungry.

Vito: Where’s daddy? Good! He’s not here. Where’s mommy? A-ha!

Zed: (*rolls eyes*) I know what you’re up to.

Vito: But I’ve got the munchies! Daddy doesn't fall for this shit.

Garfield: You’ve got a whole bowl of kibble!

Vito: (*stands by the door and barks*) MOMMY!!! I gotta pee!!!

Zed: Don’t believe him, woman. He’s faking it.

(*Mommy gets the leash and takes Vito out*)

Garfield: He is such a liar! (*Jumps up on the kitchen counter and looks out the window*) I see him. He’s sniffing around…slowly walking to his pee spots…yup! Raises his leg…DUDE!!! YOU CAN’T CALL THAT PEEING IF IT’S ONLY THREE DROPS! (*yells at the window*)

Zed: You count the drops? WTF?

Garfield: Shut up. I call it observant.

Zed: I don’t know why she always falls for that.

Garfield: Probably because she’s afraid Vito will pee in the house. That whiny furbag peed on our scratch post the other day!

Zed: Yeah and I smacked his ass for it.

Garfield: Okay, they’re coming back in.

Vito: (*ecstatic*) Do I get a treat? Do I get a treat, mommy? Do I?

(*Mommy goes back to playing on her laptop*)

Vito: Mommy!!! I peed! I told you! You always give me a treat! (*makes choking barking sounds*)

Zed: He’s tricking you, woman. Don’t listen to him.

*Mommy gets up and opens the treat cabinet*

Vito: HA! I get a treat! Woohoo!

Zed: While you’re at it, ‘mommy’, I’d like some treats too. You’re the bestest mommy ever. (*purrs and rubs against mommy’s leg*)

Garfield: Such a kiss-ass! ugh! (*shakes tail at Zed*)

My Bed

Vito: Uhm.. Zed… can you get out of my bed please?

Zed: No.

Vito: But, I’m really tired…

Zed: No. You can sleep on the floor mat.

Vito: But the mat stinks like feet.

Zed: Too bad. (*stretches and lays on his back*)

Vito: You have other places to sleep, the chair, the cat tree, the couch. (*whining now*)

Zed: I feel like resting here.

Vito: But I’m asking nicely.

Zed: Yes, you asked very nicely. Good doggie.

Vito: (*looks to Garfield*) Garfield, can you ask Zed to go find another place to rest in.

Garfield: Oh now you need my help, when you keep on running me out of the bedroom.

Vito: Please guys, that’s my bed! You can get up on pretty much anywhere!

Zed: Yes, but this is my bed TODAY.

Vito: I’m telling mommy.

Zed: (*sch-ing* unsheathes his claws*) You won’t dare.

Vito: Watch! MOM!!! ZED WON’T GET OUT OF MY BED!!!

Garfield: Oh, you’re dead, Vito.

Zed: *ggrrrrr*

(Mommy picks Zed off the bed)

Zed: PUT ME DOWN WOMAN!!!! (*gets dropped on the floor mat*)

Vito: Whoopee!!! My bed, my bed… hehehehe

Zed: You’re safe now since your mommy is in the house. Wait until she goes back to work. (*gives Vito a scorching look*)

Vito: PPffttt…when she’s at work, she gates off the kitchen where I stay. And you can’t scale the gate coz you’re too fat!!! Ppfffttt….

Garfield: He’s got a point Zed.

Zed: Oh f*ck off! (*stomps outs of the living room and down to the basement*)

Tales from the Fur Side 6: Puppy Prozac

Cast of Characters
Vito - 3 year old male pomeranian
Garfield - 1 year old orange tabby
Zed - 3 year old (we guess) black and gray tabby


Vito: duuuuuuuude....i loooooooove youuuuu...

Garfield: hey zed, you know vito is telling his bed he loves it, right??? wtf?

Zed: i heard they gave him puppy prozac.

Garfield: No way!!!

Vito: Heeeeyyy Gaaaaaaarfield! come here you fuzzy wuzzy youuuuuuuu...

Garfield: okay princess, just stay on your bed! good bo*.. uhm, pomeranian.

Zed: Our persons' vet thinks he's suffering from anxiety, and the prozac is supposed to calm him down.

Garfield: Sure! and make a weird dog even more weird. are you sure he won't go psycho on us while our persons are away? (*watches while Vito licks the air*)

Vito: ZEEEEEEDDD!!!! ooohhh myyyyy gosssshhhhh.... aren't the lights are reaaaalllllyyyy preeeetttyyyyyy???

Zed: nah, he'll be fine. he'll be sleeping more. (*streches*)

Garfield: This is way cool! hey Zed, psstt.. so, where are the pills? (*evil look in his eyes*)